求主怜悯

翻不下去了 睡觉又觉得有负罪感

点开几首歌 放松一下

听到Healed的时候 不知道怎么 竟登上了他从前的博客

找到照片 点开 就看到他的笑脸

从来没有仔细端详过他的样子

仔细看着他的眼睛 定定看了很久

浏览了一下文字 真真恍如隔世

小哭了一下

然后我说

我原谅你

 

感谢主

不然 迟钝如我

真的不知道需要原谅的还有一个你

 

Jimmy, I forgive you.

sorry that I might have owed you these words unintentionally for so long that I thought I would never need to say

not until Jesus taught and reminded me

and then I found there was the need

not for you, since I've never really hated you

you have my blessings as always, my friend

but for me, so that I could let open the long-left-and-hid hurts and wounds

for Jesus to come and heal me.

This is not something human can by any means make up for

Only Jesus can do the healing.

 

There were some rare occations that I couldn't help thinking

if one day we were really gonna meet

how should I "behave"

eyes fixed on Jesus, I think I now know the answer  

you once said, love is a choice

I now have learned, so is forgiveness

I choose to forgive, not only you, but all the hurts there could've been to me

This is not written for you or meant to make anyone guilty.  Not at all.

It's for my own healing.

 

Lord, thank you.

Although I can't tell of Your great plan

I know You have your best will for me

and incredible is how You've led me all along

till this day

This already

is a miracle

I shall keep taking your hand

and give you also my heart

take firm hold of them, Jesus

and don't let go

Only in you the time blossoms, and the flamengo dances.

May your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven

 

Hallelujah

 

 

*attached below are lyrics for "Healed"      by Nicole Nordeman

~~~~~~~~~

We stutter and we stammer 'til You say us
A symphony of chaos 'til You play us
Phrases on the pages of unknown
'Til You read us into poetry and prose

We are kept and we are captive 'til You free us
Vaguely unimagined 'til You dream us
Aimlessly unguided 'til You lead us home

By Your voice, we speak
By Your strength, no longer weak
We are no longer weak

By Your wounds we are healed (tell me what kind of love is)
By Your wounds we are healed

Passed over and passed by until You claim us
Orphaned and abandoned 'til You name us
Hidden and disclosed 'til You expose our hearts

By Your death we live
It is by Your gift that we might give
That we might give

By Your wounds we are healed (tell me what kind of love is)
By Your wounds we are healed

What kind of love would take your shame
And spill His blood for you
And save us by His wounds?

Artist: Starfield

Album: Starfield (2004)

 

There's a cry in my heart

For Your glory to fall

For Your presence to fill up my senses

There's a yearning again

A thirst for discpline

A hunger for things that are deeper

 

Could You take me beyond?

Could You carry me through?

If I open my heart

Could I go there with You?

(For I've been here before

But I know there's still more

Oh Lord, I need to know you)

 

For what do I have

If I don't have You, Jesus?

What in this life

Could mean any more?

 

You are my rock

You are my glory

Your are the lifter of my head

Lifter of this head

 

 

 

I built a fortress

with a hundred thousand faces

I'll keep it safe

with a hundred thousand more

But these masks are wearing thin

as You draw me in

 

I spent my time

on the empty and the fleeting

I spent my life

on much less than what I'd dreamed

But I'm reaching out to you

to make me new

 

Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door

I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore

I come empty handed

Ready to see

Your life in me changing who I've been

to who I need to be

 

You tell my story

as You sift between the pages

I feel redemption

in the space between each turn

 

Could You take me in Your arms

and tell it just once more

Could You take me in Your arms

and tell it just once more

 

 

以赛亚书 40：28-31

 

最近事不少

看多听多想多 梦也多

想势大力强

倒愈发乱了

 

忽地发现

博客首页的照片如果留下一片空白

反而可以完全看到背景里的向日葵

之前还为新版图式改变挡住花样伤脑筋

原来答案这般简单

只要隐去而已

 

换了首曲子

是我两年前甫来 每天开始新工作时必听必哭的专辑曲目之一

两年之约将满 本命年月当时 人间天家临变

正是裉节

虽然方向可谓明了

不过大约的确需要静静了

也不必如前 走时依依不舍 来时敲锣打鼓

只当隐时 自然就去了

就这么简单

 

空白，才能看见背景里的向日葵

 

老子的无为而治 原来是很接近神的一种状态

 

 

I was gonna set "I'll be okay" the ending song of My Best Friend's Wedding in the WMP on the top of my space.

Rewatching of the fragments of the movie reminded me of some old memories.

I suddenly understood why I love the movie so much --- Julia Robert's role is somewhat of exaggeration of part of me:

slow to figure out where my heart truly lies in, and slow to find out the fact I AM slow.

The light sadness saying goodbye to the one you once fell for and sending him away with blessing still so suit me.

And that endding song startting with "time to let you go" so hit my heart just every time I hear it.

It's not only the time to let "someone" go, but the time to let myself go, FINALLY.

The idea so touched me that I was even thinking of giving an "official" farewell to sensei here.

But as I heard the song several more times, I found I wasn't really that addicted to it.

Unnecessary to leave it that way, just as if unnecessary to go back through all the memories and offer a final three years' waiting.

No more words, no more "rituals".  All unnecessary.

I've been found by God, and I finally got affirmed that he's not the one "arranged" for me.

That's enough. 

 

So I put on the theme score of the Babel instead. I love best the middle part performed by the classical guitar.  Typical southern american instrument and way of performing presents music more of an East-Asian feel.  That's something I'm more familiar with and attached to.

Babel.  The movie reminded me of Crush, while the norm gets me back to the recent study of Genesis.

People can be so powerful that by all the fancy modern techs they could create a lively King Kong one moment and then just kill it proudly brutally the next.  

But that only adds to the pity they can't even make themselves understood by simple letters in real life.

Even if in the same tongue, you hear his words, you look into his eyes, yet you cannot read his heart, and you can't put your faith in him.  Isn't it sadly ironic?

They say my gift in tongues really IS a GIFT.  I know.  Invaluable.  Phraise Lord.  The torture of languages is such a charm to me.

I know my "purpose" to be fulfilled for now, and I shall follow the lead.

I only fear of the time I run away from you again, Lord, I do.  Don't let me.

Only in you do I become whole. 

You remove my pains, and your blood clean off my stains.

In you can I forgive and love.

where else could I ever find such heal and courage

except from your will?

Keep me closer, Lord, and keep my heart and hands clear,

I lift up my life, and shall live it through to your grace and glory.

Make my walk straight to you poll.

 

Thy name shall be done on the earth. 

 

 

I'm leaving MSN space for a while (about a year).

I still check emails (mostly yahoo), and my mobile still works 24 h/day.

Everything's fine, actually can't be better for now.

But there is this goal, and the rest of the year shall be of great importance for a stage. 

Thus I want to be fully focused and stop "haunting" spaces for some time.

 

This is when there is no "what if".

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will open to you." That's a door, not a window.

See you in about a year when I'm back with a .

 

May Peace & Joy from above be with you always.

 

Sophie

 

CCTV8在重播《白色巨塔》

夜间10点档，两集还是三集连播

本来 除了重播档期安排地迅速了一点

以为没有特别之处

仔细看了以后发现

片尾曲/字幕重新做了处理：

完整保留了原剧的片尾曲/字幕

另外加上了片尾曲amazing grace的中文歌词字幕

（而且这次是“正宗”的《奇异恩典》版——中央台也在进步）

这些全部结束之后 方才加上了译制方自己制作添加的配音演员滚动字幕

以黑底白字上 附截断“压缩”的片尾曲

 

这让我激动万分 竟然落泪

 

中央台播放的译制电视剧 采用原版的片尾拉幕

这应该是第一次

 

之前“首映”用了他们“自制”的片尾拉幕

片尾曲只放了几句 译制人员名单滚完就草草结束 切入广告

的确引来骂声一片

 

不要小看这短短两份多钟的片尾拉幕部分（包括片尾曲）

《白色巨塔》全剧的升华实际是在这里

（原版）21集十分浓缩紧凑的剧情以日本国立医科大学附属医院为故事背景，真实深刻地反映出了现代社会中尤其是中上级（说俗了叫中高级知识分子和技术人才）人物的斗争。这里，有为理想的奋斗、有为权欲的纷争、有金钱交易、有尔虞我诈、有正义的把持、利益冲突、黑白较量、信任与托付；师生、“战友”、敌人、夫妻、家人、朋友、恋人、婚外恋、医患关系等等。纯洁的、肮脏的、甚至“灰色地带”的，现实生活中可能出现的几乎都被融入了剧中。

在人的眼中，人与人世都可以是复杂的。男一号财前的周遭把人世的各种矛盾尤其体现得淋漓尽致：与岳父又有利益相连又有父子之情；与妻子看来毫无感情临终前却又颇互相关怀且为对方考虑；妻子与情人一面共坐一席谈笑风生实则暗流汹涌水火不容，一面又惺惺相惜互留余地；与导师东教授看似师生情深实则挖空心思互相排挤争斗，最后时刻却又非彼不可托；与将其一手提拔的绨嗣教授人前马后极尽弯腰摇尾溜须拍马之能事，临终之时方显鄙意厌恶之本色；对患者分人对待，而理想又心忧天下；与同窗里见之间更是自始至终都有一股不可明语的张力，既是对手又是世间仅此唯一的知己，既笑傻笑痴不愿低头甚至怒目以对又暗暗佩服不已；即便是对自己，也是虽不满自己的出身却对老家白发苍苍的母亲百般关怀，虽然雄心勃勃也暗藏一点单纯质朴。

人间到底是什么呢？

剧集就像一篇长长的描述，留下一个未决的问题。

拉幕滚出，天籁想起，答案方才揭晓：

原来种种过后，一切不过只是一只直伸向上苍不愿垂下的手掌。而天空晴朗依旧、蔚蓝如许。

人在人间，神在天上。

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me,

I once was lost,

but now I am found,

was blind, but now I see.

...

When we've been there ten thousand years,

bright shining as the sun,

we've no less days to sing God's praise,

then when we'd first begun.

奇异恩典，何等甘甜，我罪已赦免；

前我失丧，今被寻回，瞎眼今得看见。

……

将来禧年，圣徒欢聚，恩光受谊千年；

喜乐颂赞，在公座前，深望那日快现。

喜的是最近“捷报频传”：

一对“开枝散叶”，

一对“花落蒂熟”，

一对重修旧好，

也许再过不久还有另一对的喜讯。

呵呵，真是“时候到了，就结果子”。

快要只剩了我一个孤家寡人，

依然也是喜乐。

短期之内都不会有心思考虑这些，

就请神好好预备我，

也好好预备为我预备的那一位吧。

感谢主！＝）

 

忧的是刚刚看完张纯如的《被遗忘的南京大屠杀——南京暴行》

（Iris Chang: The Rape of Nanking--- The Forgotten Holocaust of WWII） 

幸亏昨天没时间做饭，今天午饭就着香香的咸鱼吃的干干净净的白米饭，

没甚油水，不然肯定会吐了出来。

身为女性，面对妇女在暴行惨遭蹂躏的文字和图片叙述，

真是只有“心惊肉跳”四个字可以形容

希望不象小时候那样再做恶梦……　 　　　　

历史已经无法洗刷，可是今人面对历史的态度，

或否认，或诋毁，或漠然，或无知，

更令人发指。

想起我一头扎进中央台做国际新闻的日子，

最初一千七八的月薪也丝毫不改意气博发心忧天下，

想起Esther对我说过的话……

这条路才刚刚启程。

为他们祷告，

前路任重道远。

我的存在不是偶然，

愿主保守我走天路！

哈里路亚

 

 

 

 

Today "the boss of my boss" asked me to think about how to bring about more effectiveness and efficiency in our company in China and email him when the holidays end.